My wife has volunteered for a charity which supports unwed mothers for many years. The idea is good as they provide mothers with help, training, life skills, all while volunteers baby sit their children. This charity has lost its funding and will stop providing the service by the end of June. As we continue struggle with this jobless economic recovery I suspect there will be more and more charities fall by the wayside.

Perhaps there is a better solution than firing up peoples imaginations to help with worthy causes. Have you noticed that many, dare I say most, charities help people who have made poor decisions in their lives. Is there a chance we are enabling these folks to continue when they know there will be someone or some group to help them out?

Please understand I am not suggesting some kind of Ayn Rand solution where only the strong survive, but what we are doing now has not turned around people's lives. We now have generations where the only life they know is living on some form of social assistance. The definition of insanity is doing the same things while expecting a different result. So if what we do presently to help people does not work, then let us go back and change the cause rather than treat the outcome.

Isn't it stunning in this day and age that we have unwed mothers living alone raising children that the fathers do not want to be involved with. Why do women still believe that sex with the guy means he will stay around?  I absolutely believe that "Loving on Purpose" is the answer to many of the issues we face but loving someone on purpose, or with intention does not mean having sex with them. Why do we parents wait so long to have the "sex" talk with our children?  By the time we think they are ready they have already been given a crash course by their peer group, and I do mean crash.

I have spoken before about children modeling themselves after us. If they are watching mom or dad "step out" with different partners are they thinking this is a bad thing? A Baptist Minister once told me that when his daughter parked in front of the house for longer than 5 minutes he would walk out and tap on the window and invite them to come in if they still needed to talk. "What do you think they are doing out there for more than 5 minutes, reading scripture?"

Sex before marriage is going to happen, but we need to make sure that both parties are ready emotionally and mentally. We cannot leave it to the school system to teach our children about safe sex, that is our job. It is also our job to teach our boys to be respectful with the girls they date instead of giving them a high five as if dating is a game. Loving on Purpose means heart and soul and mind, then body. Too often we get the body part first and we end up with unwanted children in single parent homes, with no money and with out a role model to help them learn how to get out of the cycle of dependency.

Is this behavior change easy? No, but who said life was easy. Don't our children deserve the best we can give them? If we lived our lives by loving on purpose, what would their chances of a successful marriage be? Your future, your legacy, your choice and with change and with loving on purpose, perhaps we will no longer need some of the social safety systems we now have.

She walked into the master bath and there was his housecoat draped over the bathtub. They never used the tub, both used the shower near by, but how many times had she asked him to hang it up. He was not a messy person. His side of the closet was always clean, and he never left his toiletries around his sink, she could not say that about her sink.

Funny, how after decades of marriage, it is the small things which irritate, not the big issues. Those big issues, raising the children, career choices, where to live, in-laws all seem to be resolved and the only fights are about the small issues.

Her girlfriend recently responded to the question, "How is your marriage?" with one word, "Comfortable". Comfortable she thought, I hope that is not what my husband thought of our marriage. Interesting, passionate, loving filled with hope and joy but not comfortable, is that all we should expect?

Why do people let "comfortable" slip into our marriages? Is it when we start taking our partners for granted? Is it when we stop challenging each other with new ideas? Is it when we tell the same stories again and again?  When those who divorce say we grew apart, do they really mean we grew bored with each other? Is divorce worse than living together without any love?

When you commit to "Loving on Purpose" you begin new habits which increase the focus you have on your partner. The romance continues after marriage because you are investing your time and energy into the relationship. Love is a verb and love grows the more you love. You will never be comfortable again thank God.

She walked into the master bath and there was his housecoat draped over the bathtub. She wished she had never asked him to pick it up, instead she would have told him she loved him one more time, before he died. Will you miss your chance?

"There is more to life than increasing its speed". This quote from Gandhi is appropriate and poignant for us today, but remember, he was assassinated Jan 30 1948.  Cell phones, no, digital phones, no, rotary dial phones, a few. Humans used to plug in connections manually so we could talk to one another and the operators could listen in. If you wanted to call any distance you had to call the operator, request your call and then wait for the operator to call you back when there was space on the line.

My children will not watch anything on TV in black and white, what would they do if there was no TV, only radio, the size of a small fridge. Discs for phonographs the size of dinner plates, no ear buds with digital sound, just one big speaker, one sound, scratches included. What would Gandhi say today?

Perhaps I am more sensitive to the speed of decision making since my occupation is financial planning oriented. The need to explain every upward or downward tick of the stock market means we are bombarded every minute of every day with speculation on what the movement means. The confusing part of this information is the excuses used for today's up trends are the same used for last weeks down trends. China is a perfect example. The pundits were concerned that China's rapid growth would cause inflation, a bad thing. China's response raise interest rates slow down the rapid growth and they succeeded. Now there is concern their growth rate has slowed down, a bad thing.

We could examine sports, politics, home renovations and survivor reality shows, there is no end to how much we analyze events which do not even occur to us, which somehow affect our lives. Yet the relationship we all desire, that one on one kindred spirit, that best friend, that soul mate, the person who completes us we take them for granted. We assume they will always love us and then we wonder why they stop listening. We assume that marriage lasts for ever and we are surprised when our partner for life says they have found someone else. We hear the divorce excuse that we grew apart?

The time is now to take control of your own life. Most of us have the next 24 hours, or 1440 minutes, or 86,400 seconds to make a change. Some of you do not because your life will end in the next 24 hours. Time is consistent; you can not hurry it or slow it down. You can control how you use your time by making different choices. Choose your spouse. Find a way today to double the amount of face to face, intimate, only for them moments,        (2 x 0 = 0 is not what I had in mind). You will find for most that means going form a couple of minutes to 4 minutes, not much too ask yet the results will astonish you because you are Loving On Purpose.  There is more to life than increasing its speed.

The window washer double checked to make sure he had all of the correct equipment with him. Bucket of warm water with the special cleaner mixed in: check. Sponge to apply the special washing solution: check. Scraper with good rubber to flick the water off without scratching the window: check. Rag to dry the scraper: check. Everything ready to go.

He approaches his first window and uses the sponge to wet the window down. Then he uses the scraper to wipe the window dry, making sure to get all the edges. It appears he is done, ready to move on when he notices a spot. The routine stars again, wash, dry, clean the edges, but the spot is still there. He then uses his thumb nail to remove the spot, then washes and dries again, but with the same result, the spot is still there. Resorting to his final tactic he HAAA's the window, (the same way you blow on your glasses before wiping them), and rubs the area with his sleeve to force out the spot, and it does not work.

Someone on the inside of the window points at the spot and yells to the window cleaner, "The spot is on the inside!" How often is life like that? We focus on the issues around us, trying to fix them according to our perspective of right and wrong and find we have no effect or sometimes, we make the situation worse.

In our relationships with our spouses we are really good at suggesting, "If you would just do this my way the result would be better". Sound familiar?  One of the reasons you chose to make a lifelong commitment to your spouse was how they do what they do.  There is an old saying, Men marry the woman they think is perfect and put her on a pedestal hoping she never changes, while women marry men who attract them and then never stop trying to change us.

If you are Loving On Purpose you will find ridding yourself of your preconceived ideas much easier because when you love with all your heart there is no room for your ego.  I am not speaking of changing your core values because that is the essence of who you are. Eliminating those little spots on the inside of the glass which prevent us from moving on to the next window, the rest of our lives, is a behavior change we all must learn.

Smash Smash! My spell checker tells me I have started this blog with an incomplete sentence but it is wrong!

This past Monday night episode of "Smash" angered me so much I needed 24 hours to cool off. I like the concept of the show, I am a huge fan of former American Idol finalist Katherine McPhee, but I have watched my last episode.

The character played by Debra Messing is married with a child. She is the lyricist for the new play on which the show is based. The cast includes a man she had an affair with years ago who is now married with a baby. He tries to rekindle the "moment they had". She resists until he gets her alone and she says no, no, no, and he continues to convince her that "no one will know" until the horizontal tango occurs on the couch. This is so wrong on so many levels.

I know this is only a story, a work of fiction but who do you think is the demographic who is watching this show? Why is a story written about a man who would cheat on his new wife and baby with apparently no intention of giving them up?  In trying to convince Debra to have sex with him he claims he is madly in love with her when the obvious reality is he is in lust with her and will do and say anything to satisfy his own desires. If he was in love with her he would not pursue her. I thought there was a change in sentiment, after Tiger Woods numerous affairs, that this type of narcissistic behavior was wrong, or so inappropriate it should not be emulated.

"No one will know" is a complete fabrication because the two people involved know and their relationship with their spouses and children is forever changed. This man's search for carnal knowledge will destroy another family as well as his own.

As a man I am disgusted that we are so easily stereo typed into this role and that the stereo type persists as an acceptable norm. It is not acceptable and needs to be counteracted by a strong leading man who loves his family on purpose, all the time, not just when it is convenient.

What can we do? Stop watching, stop letting people tell us what a relationship looks like and tell the advertisers, the message needs to get through. There is a reason the divorce rate is over 50%. There is a reason people are treating sex as a recreational sport. We accept this kind of behavior and now is the time to take a stand for families and say no more. Be the best man you can be by loving your wife and children on purpose.

Sorry Katherine, I will be delighted to buy tickets to your next concert...you are that good - but I am not watching the show! I will end as I began, Smash Smash!

When was the last time you told your spouse you loved her or him? No, I do not mean the casual "love you" as you are going out the door or "see you" as you end the phone call, or the kiss on the cheek in passing. I mean looking deep into the eyes from a distance of six inches, physically touching them as you state with clear intention, I love you.

A very good friend of mine, my age, may never be able to say those words again in that way. As I write this he is sitting by his wife's side, in a hospital emergency room, while the medical staff tries to find out why a major brain event happened, seemingly with out cause. If she lives, she will never be the same again.

We never anticipate something as drastic or dramatic or life altering interfering with our orderly life plans because at my age, these experiences are not routine, they do not happen to everyone. Unfortunately they do happen to some and we are never prepared. Perhaps we should be.

If we all focused on loving on purpose, at every opportunity, we would never be in the position of saying I wish I could have told her that I loved her. I have not said that to her for a while. I just assumed she knew. We were angry when we last spoke. I said something I wish I had never said. More importantly, if the traumatic event never happens we have gained so much. We have lived with our spouse in a wondrous, exciting, soul full filling relationship, the kind we all want to experience and few do. You have nothing to loose and everything to gain.

Here is one more thought. Sit quietly for a moment, close your eyes and listen to your heart. Thump thump, thump thump, thump thump. You have no control over whether it continues to beat or not. What if the life altering event was caused by your heart stopping, not your spouses? Did you tell them you loved them in such a meaningful way that they felt you in every fiber of their being the last time you were with them?  Is that how you would want them to remember you? What are you waiting for? Love them on purpose and do it now.

I called my wife and told her I love her and now I am going to a prayer meeting for my friend and his wife. What are you going to do today, right now, this minute, don't waste another second.

She worked all afternoon making a special picture for her Daddy, well, maybe it was only half an hour, but it seemed to her that it was all afternoon. When Daddy came home he glanced at it and said, "Sure honey, it's nice," and proceeded to tell his wife what a rotten day it had been.

Disappointed, the little girl retreated to her room. At dinner, she sat quietly, picking at her food, and then asked to be excused. Her mother cleaned up the kitchen and then went to put the little girl to bed. After the little one finally went to sleep she went looking for her husband who was busy doing more office work in the den.

"Megan prayed for you tonight," said the mother. " She prayed, " Please let my Daddy see me again"

Do you really think your children don't see you? Unconsciously I display many of my father's mannerisms. My kids and wife laugh and point them out but what is interesting is I did not practice any of these copied habits of my dad. For 18 years I lived with him and patterned myself with out planning to.

Are you worried about bullying in schools? As parents we all want our children to be seen with the "in crowd", but what do they have to do to belong?  Is your child alone and fragile, subject to the bullies?  Our job as parents is to love our children with consistency. We cannot tell then to act one way and then do the very opposite ourselves. We need to build their self confidence, their understanding of who they are so they can give love away. The only way they will learn that is by watching us.

Meghan's dad immediately jumped up, ran to his daughter's room, and fell on his knees by her bed. Clasping her in his arms, he held her until both their cheeks were wet from his warm tears. "Daddy sees you again, honey, and daddy will always see you!"

Loving On Purpose does not happen automatically, you need to plan this intentional act into your life. Why not start today? When you read this story some one in your life came to mind. A spouse, a child, a parent, relative or friend it does not matter. Who ever it is you need to contact them right now and tell them you love them. That is why they popped into your head. Do it now, don't wait, then write me and tell me what happened. Your life will change.  

If you watched CNN this morning there were two events covered which have the identical issue at their core, yet only one event was treated with shock and despair. The other had jokes made about it. The topic was bullying and the two events were the shooting in the Ohio school and the republican delegates hammering each other again.

Our society seems to accept teen bullying as part of the growing up process, yet not every teenager is a bully, in fact most are not. Clearly this means that there is something, some common denominator, some switch that gets turned on in some teens. The boy who was responding to the bullying came from a very difficult home life. He was raised by his grandparents, his parents have too much emotional baggage to raise him, his brother was still with the parents and even though he volunteered and was a big help in school, the bullies did not like him.

Many grandparents have stepped in to raise their children and done a brilliant job but the age difference and changes in social values make the parents more important than ever. Let me be more specific, a loving family dynamic where the parents are clearly in love with each other and demonstrate to their children how relationships work when love is at the core helps children figure out how to make their relationships work.

Teenager bullying is always only about one thing, I want to feel better about myself so I will tear down some one else. The bullies' choice is easy too; pick on the weak because you have a better chance of succeeding.

Politician bullying is always only about one thing, I want you to feel better about me so I will tear down some one else. With less than a 15% approval rating the American Congress has demonstrated that they are not serving the American population which I think was the reason they chose politics in the first place, to serve the people.

Please do not think me a simpleton when I say there is a simple answer, but there is. We have to think of others first. We need to put everyone else's needs before our own. We need to understand that other people may have a better idea and we need to support that idea if it is better for all involved. We need to Love On Purpose. We need to love with intention so our children can be safe in our schools and we can respect our elected leaders because they respect us.

Each one of us needs to start today, now, this moment. Love On Purpose, it is an inside job, it starts with you. What will you do?

For those of you who are as concerned about bullying as I am, here is a great idea. Last week I had the opportunity to meet with JoMarie Payton, star of the hit ABC Family show "Family Matters."  She played the role of Mama (Harriet Winslow) and is now hosting her own hit talkshow known as "Second Chance" with JoMarie Payton! We had a remarkable and engaging conversation!  During our discussion she mentioned her daughter's class was having problems with children bullying and acting out. Rather than sending the children to the principle's office or expelling them from school JoMarie had a better idea. She paid for a school portable to be reconditioned as a "genius" room.

This room was full of tables and chairs and books. The students "sent" to the Genius room soon became bored and started to read. When the books are appropriate and reading occurs learning always happens. This approach is so much smarter than kicking them out of school where the chance of them learning something appropriate is slim and none.

The next step would be to arrange for professional counselors to interview each child and help them learn how to love themselves in a healthy way. There is a direct relationship between lack of self confidence, envy, self loathing and bullying. It is in all of our interests to help move children to the next level of emotional maturity by helping our future neighbor's learn self respect and self love.

You can only give love away when you love yourself. You can only increase the love you have when you give your love away. Loving on purpose or loving with intention means finding a way to serve others. If you are a bully you try to feel empowered by tearing others down. This never works out because the opposite is true. Only by loving others will you find more joy in your life than you could ever imagine or desire.

Seal and Hedi have ended, what most Hollywood insiders consider, a very romantic marriage. Seal announced the reason, "We have grown apart". What does that mean? A marriage is the joining of two people together and a commitment to stay together until death.

Will there be times that issues arise, yes. Will there be times you are on different sides of the argument, yes. Will there be times that you feel a little stale, yes. All of us feel those emotions from time to time and find that if we get over our needy selves the marriage continues to grow in depth of love.

If this statement is true then the marriage vows were never understood or were mere lip service. Growing together is an act of intention, it is Loving On Purpose.  Whether you are a star or a regular person we all have and need independence to pursue our work or hobbies or passions, they are part of what attracted us to our spouses. Being married does not kill our individuality, it means we have someone to share our wins and losses with, someone who knows us so well that they support us so that we become inter-dependant not independent.

In that state of inter-dependency you find yourself saying to yourself, "this could only better if she/he were here to share this moment with me". Loving On Purpose means you cannot grow apart because you grow together, in sickness or health, for richer or poorer and your love grows for the other person as you give your love to them.

Good friends of mine recently married for the second time each and in front of a very large crowd they said this as they placed the ring on the others finger, "with this ring I set you free to be the best person you can be". There is no growing apart, there is only being so self centered that you stop loving the other person with intention, and you ask the question what am I getting out of it. Love is never about what you get out, it is always about what you put in.